It’s only the 12th of October and this month has already brought me the two worst things I have ever tasted.

First up is a new flavor from Hershey’s for the Kiss candy. I was fine with Hershey’s adding almonds to the Kiss. Or making it in dark chocolate. Or swirling it with white chocolate and calling it a Hug. Those made sense to me. Then Hershey’s went off the rails. Kisses were suddenly filled with caramel, peanut butter, chocolate truffle and cherry cordial goo. It was okay – I just avoided them.

Then this showed up on the wet bar at work (the place where all unwanted, leftover food goes to a better home).

Hershey's Kiss - Candy Corn
Hershey's Kiss Candy Corn

For Halloween, Hershey’s unveiled the Kiss in a candy corn flavor. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned to love candy corn over the years. I used to just like the white tips – I swear, they taste different. But now I like the whole white-yellow-orange combination. 

It tastes nothing like the new Kiss. The new Kiss tastes remarkably like what I think the Joker tasted when he fell into the vat at Axis Chemical. I just took a tiny bite of the Kiss, for which I’m thankful. Popping the whole thing into my mouth would have given me the Joker’s permagrin. Be warned. Stay away from the Candy Corn Kiss. It is not good. At all.

The second worst thing I had this month and my life is Moo Magic in strawberry. This was no free food. No, I paid for it. It was a weak moment in Giant when I remembered enjoying strawberry-flavored milk as a kid. I think it was flavored by something form the same comapny that made the completely wonderful PDQ Chocolate, which was discontinued in the early 90s.

Moo Magic is nothing like that. Moo Magic did produce a sweeter milk than regular milk but that sweetness is paid for with the stale taste of 1970s era childhood vaccines. I shouldn’t be surprised. The slogan for Moo Magic Milk Mix sticks is “Udderly great flavors on the moove!” And look at the mascot.

Animals with udders should not be portrayed this way.


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