Restroom Treasures

Vending machines in restrooms amuse me.

You’ve got your bar/club restrooms with machines that dispense Binaca, aspirin and condoms. Or so I’ve heard. I’ve seen the Binaca and aspirin; the ladies room machines don’t dispense prophylactics. Apparently, that’s not our responsibility.

In any case, I was at the movies the Friday before Oscar Sunday. Me, a friend and lots of senior citizens catching The King’s Speech. I’m hoping I see some of the same old people when I watch Sucker Punch. That would be awesome. But I digress …

After the movie, a quick visit to the restroom revealed a confusing vending machine. The ones at bars make sense. You might need fresh breath to fog up someone’s beer goggles, for example. But the movie machine didn’t seem to have any logic. Okay, there were Ice Drops, which I’m guessing are the 21st century Binaca. The Sour Drops are just for … I don’t know.

I’ve yet to be so inspired by a movie that I needed to bust into the restroom and apply Body Art (tattoos and jewels – no need to choose!).

And Fuzzy Brush scared me. Isn’t the point of a toothbrush so your teeth don’t feel fuzzy? The mascot creeps me out, particularly the animated version on the company’s web page. Not to mention the tube of toothpaste with the come-hither gaze.

Since one of my photos captured the vending company’s website, I paid it a visit. I’m disappointed the theater wasn’t offering me glowsticks or glitter lib balm. I mean, when you have to pee, who doesn’t want a glowstick handy? And why couldn’t I spend $1 for a bubble-gum-flavored condom or a Lotto Love Game. “Ladies, Rubby for a Chubby.” Seriously?

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