Prisoner in My Own House

As I type this, I’m sitting in my living room. I’m trying not to think about the errands I wanted to run, the groceries I wanted to buy, the mail I wanted to bring in from yesterday or the trash that needs to go out tonight.

I’m trying very hard not to think about the fact that I CANNOT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!

See, the front and back doors to the house have had a tendency for years to stick a little in humid weather. You had to give the front door a kick to open it from the outside in the summer. The back door, too.

Hmmm, perhaps I should wash dishes before taking a picture of this area.When I painted the kitchen several years ago, I was stupid and painted all sides of the back door, thus increasing the chances of the door sticking. For most of the summer, the back door doesn’t close entirely. It may look like it’s just resting on the door jamb. Nope, it’s wedged shut and too swollen to fit inside the opening.

This normally isn’t a problem. I don’t really use the back door that much. It’s a problem today.

The front door is also swollen shut very very tightly. I’ve thrown my body at the front door to the point of bruising. It loosens just enough that I can feel it start to give a millimeter when I tug at the knob to open it. I’ve contorted my body into cartoon-like positions that should guarantee an abrupt fall to the floor as the door comes free. No luck. It won’t move.

I’ve been eying up the window next to the front door as a possible emergency egress. Somehow I don’t think my employer would understand the need for a sick day because I can’t get out of my own house.


Update – A fan blowing on the front door to help reduce humidity didn’t work that well. I ended up going out through the window. Throwing my body against the outside of the front door had no effect so I came back in through the back door, grabbed keys and headed out for errands (after shutting the window and hoping the back door wouldn’t restick). Upon my return, the front door finally yielded to my frantic kicks. Let’s hope I don’t have to repeat the exercise tomorrow.


5 thoughts on “Prisoner in My Own House

  1. I’d love to hear an employer’s reaction to that excuse for not coming to work! Unfortunately, I could never use that one – I’m a home-based employee. This means I never get snow days off either.

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