Dear Au Bon Pain,
Congratulations on the drink you made for me this morning. I’ve never tasted anything like it before.
Granted, this was my first time (blush) ordering chai tea from your fine establishment so I didn’t know what to expect. I assumed (I know, I know, ass, you, me) it would be similar to chai I’ve received at numerous other establishments.
But you, Au — can I call you “Au?” — managed to take me by surprise. The chai I received was the foulest, most disgusting beverage known to man.
I can only surmise that you made a chai and then an espresso-based beverage and combined them in one cup for my drinking pleasure. The result, Au, was something that would cause both tea lovers and coffee lovers to run screaming into dark alleys begging for someone to end it all.
Oh, Au. What were you thinking? Was it some bizarre mistake you made or is this really what you thought I wanted? I won’t be willing to risk that mistake again, Au. My taste buds would never forgive me.
Sure, I could have taken the elevator down 18 floors, walked down a flight of stairs and across the station concourse to make sure the cup of bile wasn’t a secret cry for help. But I’m lazy, Au; we both know that. Otherwise, I’d be making my own chai at home and drinking it out of some spiffy thermos on the train.
You leave me no choice, Au, but to bid you a fond au revoir, although I doubt we’ll be seeing each other again. I wish you nothing but the best.
The girl who’s fighting the urge to vomit thanks to you