Regrets, I’ve Had a Few

Following up on Wednesday’s post, I wanted to let you in on the books and movies that I truly, deeply regret finishing—nay, I regret starting them in the first place, and I regret not abandoning them.

Let my list of 5 serve as a warning for you. Avoid these pieces of so-called entertainment. And don’t feel forced to finish something that’s utter crap.

face palm! oh!!

Shopaholic and Sister by Sophie Kinsella – The first book in the Shopaholic series is pretty harmless chick list. It has its share of groan-worthy moments, but it’s a quick airplane read. As the series goes on, however, the main character loses all likability. How many times can someone be selfishly stupid and remain interesting? … and Sister is the fourth or fifth in the series. It’s where I said “enough.” I was ready to abandon it, but then I found myself in the ER for 8 hours with not much else to distract me. I should have looked for hard drugs instead.

Me Without You – Look, I like quirky, independent movies. I like Michelle Williams in almost everything she’s in. It took me 2 weeks to get through this movie. the concept was interesting – 2 girls are best friends and stay that way as they grow up and lots of stuff happens and they change hair styles and – whatever, the concept wasn’t that interesting and its implementation was boring. Again, unlikable characters. If the best friend is really a backstabbing, conniving shrew, the movie better have laid a darn strong foundation about why the other best friend would stay in the friendship. This movie didn’t.

The Lost Goddess by Tom Knox – I hate books that have all the hooks needed to reel me in—archaeology, mysterious ruins, mysterious deaths—and then squander them and waste my time. That’s what this book was. I received it to review and hated it so much than I couldn’t bring myself to write an intelligent review. A review of “This sucks” isn’t very helpful. Why was the book bad? Because the mysteries weren’t really the mysteries the book was writing about and a diet of red herring isn’t good for anyone. The book is not about archaeological mysteries or genetic tampering or attempted rape by gorillas (seriously, that’s in there). It’s about teasing the reader with promises it doesn’t intend to fulfill.

American Warships – The sad thing about this movie is that is comes soooo close to falling into the so-bad-it’s-hillariously-good category. It even misses that mark and instead delivers performances that seemed phoned in at best, effects that would embarrass the 1960s BBC, cheesy dialog, and preposterous situations. If you know anything about the Navy, prepared to be astonished at how Naval protocol is followed in the movie. If you know anything about the Iowa, prepared to question where the nickname “Big Stick” comes from.

Year Zero by Jeff Long – Full confession: I meant to pick up Rob Reid’s Year Zero from the library, not Jeff Long’s. I didn’t realize that until just now. But the blurb on Long’s book looked interesting. Like The Lost Goddess, it promised an archaeological mystery, but coupled with a worldwide plague. The premise is a group of scientists clone humans from bones collected from Golgotha because their bodies may hold the clue to defeating a pandemic that’s wiping out most of the population. Yes, one of these cloned humans claims to be Jesus. The book could be interesting, but Long suffers from having so many ideas that he can’t follow through on any of them.


5 thoughts on “Regrets, I’ve Had a Few

  1. Funny list. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with American Warships’ story. American Warships, Land of the Hobbitts, Transmorphers, The DaVinci Treasure, Abe Lincoln: Zombie Killer, etc, etc, etc. are all made by this production company called The Asylum. Their whole model is to steal a copy of a script of an in-development, big budget movie, reverse engineer it, stealing major plot elements, and then issue the movie direct-to-video the same day as the theatrical release of the movie they’re stealing from. They’re hilarious. (American Warships– the Battleship ripoff– got them sued. They were planining to call it American Battleship, but Peter Berg and Universal put the kaibosh on the fun.) I strongly encourage you to explore the Asylum catalogue. There are some real gems in there. Start with Paranormal Entity 3. It’s really…. something.

  2. I’m glad to hear re: Shopaholic. I gave up on the series after the second one.

    I was really hoping that the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo would be on this list. I bought that book and couldn’t get past the first 50 pages or so. I would have felt validated for having abandoned it!

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