Chicken Cordon Raw

Sometimes I feel I have pretty awesome cooking skills. And sometimes … not so much.

Not my chickenFor some reason, my copy of The Joy of Cooking has been sitting open on my counter for several weeks to the poultry section. Eventually, the page for chicken cordon bleu caught my eye and I thought, “how hard can this be?”I had lunch meat in the fridge and some thawed chicken breasts. I could make this happen.

My copy of Joy is about this oldI cross referenced Joy’s recipe with Mark Bittman’s in How to Cook Everything. I still thought I could do this.

Pound chicken. Check. Add a piece of swiss. Check. Add a piece of ham. Check. Roll. Um. Fold? It unfolds. Fold again (with authority this time). Um. Curse Mark Bittman for saying just press the raw chicken together so it sticks. Check. Grab toothpicks. Check, check, check.

Do the breading thing. Good to go.

Into the pan. Bittman’s time comes and goes. This doesn’t look right; it looks uncooked. Joy’s cooking time passes a minute later. I keep cooking.

Outside looks a little browned (and by browned, I mean burned), but I feel good. It doesn’t look too bad.

If only they had swiss cheese to protect Hershel's barn!Hey, it even looks cooked through. Nope, the swiss and ham are protecting a few millimeters of chicken like asbestos so the center is raw.

I toss everything back into the pan and cook some more.

The outer crust is now black. The outer chicken is now dehydrated. But inside, nestled next to the lunch meat, raw chicken.

The trash can ate well that night.

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